Self-doubt is a monster that I battle every day.
Sometimes it’s sly and subtle. Other days its intensity is crippling.
It stops me doing what I need to do, it holds me back from achieving what I’m on this earth for, and it prevents me from serving you.
It shows up in the procrastination I experience when a piece of writing is brewing inside me and wants to be birthed onto the page. It shows up in the resistance I have to booking in that session for you, that you so dearly need to heal you. It shows up as me ‘forgetting’ my daily spiritual practice, overlooking my meditation, feeling like I ‘don’t need’ to work on my own chakras and energetic blockages that day (or week… or month…).
It’s the voice in my head that tells me I’m not worthy, not capable, not skilled enough. It’s the voice in my head that wonders, ‘Who am I to step up to do the work of Spirit?’ It’s the voice that makes me doubt, question, hesitate. It’s the voice that drowns out the true words and messages of the spirit realm, of the Divine, of my soul’s guidance.
I share this because I want you to know that you’re not alone. Sometimes we get caught up in the bravado of trying to appear ‘superhuman’, the way we feel we are expected to be. It seems everyone but us has it all together.
Well, I am human, and I struggle with the human aspects of my self. My ego, self-doubt and self-sabotage. Feeling not good enough, judging myself as unworthy.
I know that the only thing stopping me living out the full expression of my soul in this lifetime is me.
But moving through my own bullshit takes daily work. Some days, I’m so stuck in self-doubt that I can’t manage that work. But I do what I can, when I can.
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What does dealing with my own shit look like?
It looks like regularly assessing my own aura for blockages. It’s confronting the dark, shadow aspects of myself as a human being. It’s being open to allowing the terrifying trauma of a past life to come into my awareness when it needs to, so it can be cleared. It’s reminding myself, as often as I can, to surrender to the will of the Divine; that I am here to serve and that’s all that matters. It’s being willing to accept that I am human, that I make mistakes, that I get lost and that I fall down. Over and over again.
It’s prioritising my spiritual growth in as many ways as I can. It’s seeking out and investing in help from other practitioners: kinesiologists, Reiki therapists, psychic mediums, hypnotherapists, and spiritual mentors. It’s meditation, affirmations, self-development techniques, inner child work, breath work, plant medicine, sound healing…
It’s remembering that what we know as ‘life’ is largely an illusion. One that we easily get caught up in. One that makes it so easy for us to numb, to delude ourselves and ignore who we truly are and what we’ve incarnated onto this earth to do.
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I have a simple statement written in the front of my diary and on a poster on my wall, which greatly assists me when I’m in a self-doubt slump:
Remember who you are
Because when we shift our perspectives and remember who we truly are - that we are souls, energetic beings with unique missions on this planet, temporarily in physical bodies… all that human crap falls away. And suddenly I’m asking myself a new set of questions: ‘Who am I to deny my soul’s work in this world? Who am I to doubt the wisdom of the spirit realm? Who am I to be so selfish as to let small, human nonsense get in the way of transforming lives and healing this planet?’
And in that space of expanded awareness and remembering, the self-doubt fades away.
For a little while.