You’ve realised that the way you were treated growing up ‘wasn’t right’

‘For me, it was when my mom got mad at me for not going to prom with the boy she wanted me to go with and said "Beggars can't be choosers!" It took me several more years to put words like "narcissist" and "abuse" to it, but that day was the day I realized that my mom did not in fact have my best interests at heart.’

’When mom shamed me + yelled at me for making her drive through a snow storm to pick me up at the funeral home I walked to through the snow storm to attend my good friend's funeral is when I thought something was wrong. It was like a weird realization that my life wasn't ok.'

‘I realised that I was the odd one out amongst friends for not really wanting or caring to talk to my family, and that actually wanting to be around your family was the normal thing.’

… Though you blamed yourself for much of it

‘I blamed myself for the bad relationship with my mum. I always thought "One day I will turn into the daughter she wants me to be and that I should be, one day."‘

‘I blamed myself for everything that my mother did to me until a few instances in which I knew I didn't do anything wrong, and then I met my current partner who made me realise that I deserve to be treated better. The realisation came slowly. I always thought my parents were normal and was in serious denial about the abuse.’


THAT ARE ACTUALLY related to what you experienced growing up

‘I’m always second guessing myself. I replay a conversation repeatedly, wondering how I could have handled it. Most of the time I realise there is no logical reason for me to feel embarrassed but I still feel that way. I’m really anxious about what other people think of me.’

‘People often compliment me on my accomplishments, but I can’t seem to allow myself the credit I probably deserve. Instead, I beat myself up for what I think I’ve done poorly or should have done better.’

‘I am an overachiever, a perfectionist type A with my job, with keeping a meticulous house, with constantly having new goals that I want to obtain. I never feel it is good enough and always that I have to do more. I have constant feelings of anxiety, worry and excessive stress.’

‘I’m an underachiever because of the ‘never good enough’ message growing up. The fear of failure keeps me from doing my best. I have big ideas and aspirations, but they are dreams rather than goals. I think, Oh, that would be nice to do, but I don’t do it. Maybe I wouldn’t be good at it.’

How many of the behaviours in this list of 13 Ways Parental Abuse is Affecting Your Adult Life are true for you?

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How I Can Help You

>>> A course for those who have experienced parental mistreatment, ‘Release & Rise: Transform Your Trauma’

>>> A high value monthly membership and support group, ‘Rise! Self Love Club

>>> Individual 1:1 Reiki & Reading healing sessions

>>> My Self-Love Affirmations Audio recording (included as a bonus when you join the course ‘Release & Rise’)

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Additional Resources

>>> The Blue Knot Foundation (National Centre of Excellence for Complex Trauma) website, empowering recovery from childhood trauma

>>> The Reddit forums ‘Raised by Narcissists’ and ‘Survivors of Abuse’, online support forums for sharing questions, stories, fears and triumphs

>>> Books:

'It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself From the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion’ - Beverly Engel

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers’ - Karyl McBride

Stop Walking on Eggshells’ - Paul Mason & Randi Kreger

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life’ - Susan Forward

Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused’ - Steven Farmer