You can watch this week’s coaching calls in the Facebook group (best option, as you’ll be able to comment as you watch)
or by entering the password inspired above.
There was a BONUS CALL this week, and this is what was covered in each call:
Call #1: Feeling/grieving; ‘tapping’; physically releasing; Ho’oponopono forgiveness
Call #2: Recap of all course content to date (Intro module through module 3)
EXERCISE 1: FeelING & Grieving
As a wounded daughter or son, you have the right to grieve that your parent/s did not love you the way you needed and wanted.
You have the right to grieve the loss of the happy childhood you wanted but can never have.
You deserve to heal.
Working with clients energetically and perceiving their auras (energy bodies), I see firsthand that our bodies retain everything that we experience throughout life. I can tell you that ignoring or denying something definitely does not make it go away! Resisting feeling emotions like loss, anger and sadness just means they stay stuffed down in your energetic body, and they weigh you down as you lug them around through life with you. As the state of your energy field is what creates the state of your external world, the energetic blockages of these unexpressed feelings create issues in your life. The ignored emotions and their energy literally impact your external reality and the way your life looks. Over time, blocks in the energy body can even manifest as issues in the physical body, like disease and ailments.
In order to grieve and process those emotions, you must make a decision to allow your feelings.
Your experiences with your parents may have taught you to stifle and repress your emotions; to ‘suck it up’ instead of ‘being a baby’; to plaster a fake smile on your face to uphold appearances; to pretend that everything is ‘normal’ and ‘okay’ when it really isn’t. Actually feeling your feelings may initially be difficult and foreign for you.
But it’s really important that you actually feel your feelings around your past experiences with your parents. .
Sitting with your feelings and allowing yourself to feel the pain you’ve been trying to ignore can be challenging. You may have been skilfully using avoidance behaviours for a long time in order to avoid just that! Drinking alcohol, taking drugs, over-working and keeping busy, busy, busy, watching TV, spending a lot of time looking at our phones, mindlessly eating and over-eating are all things we do in an attempt to numb or avoid our pain.
Take time to be alone in silence, and relax into what you might be feeling deep inside. Ask yourself, ‘how am I feeling right now?’ Or bring to mind a specific scenario, and ask yourself, ‘how am I feeling about this?’. Be aware of your body. Where in your body are you holding the feeling? Is it in your throat, your chest, your stomach?
If what you notice is sadness, allow yourself to feel that, and cry as much as you need.
If it’s anger, scream into or punch a pillow.
Notice what happens as you begin to be present with your feelings. Is there an attempt, however subtle, to push the pain away? To cut it off, block it off, pull away? Be willing to accept, welcome and explore ‘harder’ emotions. When we are willing to accept things, we are demonstrating courage, compassion with ourselves, and presence. We are honouring ourselves.
The pain inside will not last forever. Experiencing emotions directly, without the thought element of rationalising or trying to explain them away, never results in the prolonged suffering that we subconsciously fear and want to avoid.
It may help you to journal about what you’re feeling, as writing is also a form of release. If you feel worried that someone may read what you’ve written down, you can write it on a piece of paper that you safely burn or tear up afterwards (and this itself is an additional form of ritual release).
Here are some things to remember:
1. You are safe.
2. Don’t allow your mind to rationalise away feelings. You may notice that you think, ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way’, or ‘I didn’t have that bad, I have nothing to feel sad about’. Please don’t try to talk yourself out of feeling. And be aware that others around you may try to do this, saying things such as, ‘It’s all in the past, there’s no need to feel sad now’, in a misguided attempt to support you. Whatever you feel is real and valid, and it’s important for you to feel it so you can release it. You deserve this time to feel and to heal.
3. There will likely be a lot of guilt present. Societal expectations that a child should love their mother and father adoringly and without question, along with harmful messages absorbed from your parents, mean that you can expect to feel guilt as you feel your other feelings. You may feel really bad for thinking negative things about your mother and father, or feel like a naughty and disobedient child. Just acknowledge the guilt, and choose to release it.
4. Be aware your inner critic might pipe up and call you a wimp, a cry baby, or make other judgemental comments. This is, of course, just your inner critic and it is based on old, unsupportive programming. Just ignore that voice and return to the feeling and the important work you are bravely doing.
5. Use the tools in this course, and any other strategies at your disposal, to manage any anxiety and depression that comes up with the pain you are processing.
EXERCISE 2: TAPPING
Emotional Freedom Technique/E.F.T. (or ‘tapping’) is life-changing tool that has the power to shift your negative thoughts and overhaul your mindset.
It’s used by professional athletes, celebrities, psychologists, many people around the world… and it’s so accessible and so easy for you to do too.
It’s effective on a huge variety of issues, but is especially useful for dealing with negative beliefs and stories. It helps you neutralise fears and in most cases, immediately feel better.
Once you get the basics, it’s really simple to do, and the results are amazing.
So, what is tapping? It’s a combination of ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology.
>>> Tapping works as a pattern interrupter
Negative or positive thoughts, repeated in our minds or out loud, compound over time. Thoughts become beliefs, which dictate your actions, that create your reality and life circumstances.
You allowed your experiences to shape beliefs about yourself (quite often, related to safety: it’s not safe for me to be visible, stand out, have money, be successful…). Letting these subtle (or not so subtle!) subconscious beliefs dominate and run your life keeps you stuck where you are. Tapping is a way to break the cycle and stop those negative thoughts spiralling out of control, so that you can create a different outcome for yourself.
>>> Tapping releases stress from our physical body
Stress about the past or the future creates stress in the body. Tapping allows the body to release that stress to feel more aligned and enable you to move forward.
When we think about a stressful issue, there’s a low grade fight or flight response in our body. The primitive part of our brains geared toward survival and dealing with danger responds.
Thousand years ago, this response kept us safe – it allowed us to deal with the threat of a predator by fleeing or by fighting.
In our modern society, we’re dealing with different threats now: your body is constantly responding to perceived external threats, like… fear of what other people might think of you; fear of failing; fear of being judged. And obviously fighting or fleeing isn’t an appropriate response now, so we don’t take either of those actions, and the ‘fight-or-flight’ changes in our physiology (increased levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, elevated heart rate, higher blood pressure) stick around long-term.
Tapping enables us to uncover and deal with the ‘threat’ and neutralise it. It sends a signal to our brain that we are safe. It quickly shifts that fear and allows us to relax.
>>> Tapping releases emotions from your energy body
You hold everything you experience in your energetic body. That’s why, when I’m working with someone, I can tell so much about them based on what I see and feel in their aura – their energy body. Because all of that information is stored in there, showing up as blocks, areas of restriction, stagnation. I am shown that there’s not a free and uninhibited flow of energy as there should be.
We are so accustomed to just burying our feelings, and avoiding them with behaviours like drinking, drug use, watching TV, using social media… But ignoring what we’re feeling or thinking doesn’t actually make it go away.
In tapping, we are speaking the truth about what we are feeling or thinking. By making negative statements, we are simply acknowledging how we feel for a short period of time in order to release and clear it. As you’ll learn below, in tapping, you are focused on your negative beliefs/feelings for a few rounds; and once you have released the negative, then you move onto replacing it with the positive.
Affirmations/positive statements are important, and I do highly recommend them (we cover them in depth in Module 5 – Replace), but in order for affirmations to work most efficiently, you need a solid foundation. You must prepare the garden bed first by weeding out the negative stuff, so that the affirmations can take root and bloom.
>>> Tapping works on the Meridian system
This system is a set of pathways in the body along which vital energy flows. An understanding of the Meridian system and the significant points in it has been developed over thousands of years of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and now modern western medicine is also acknowledging the effectiveness of modalities such as acupressure and acupuncture (that utilise this wisdom) and incorporating it into treatment at hospitals.
HOW TO TAP
Step 1. Identify what you’re working on.
It can be anything, but the more specific the better. For example, choose one of the limiting, negative thoughts you've observed in yourself, or a feeling that you have about a particular issue (such as, anxiety about money, specifically, paying your upcoming bills on time).
Step 2. Feel into the feeling related to the issue.
Try to 'dial it up'; really feel the anxiety, the fear, the hurt. Where in your body do you sense it? Perhaps in your heart, your stomach or your throat? Rate the intensity of the feeling on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being barely noticeable, 10 being very intense).
Step 3. Use a ‘set-up statement’.
Bring the issue to mind, and tap the karate chop point (you can use either hand) while you focus on the issue, feelings and emotions.
Say out loud or in your mind: 'Even though I feel (then describe what you’re feeling)… this anxiety about money / overwhelm about my decision / hurt from when my partner said I was stupid… I deeply and completely love and accept myself'. (Different practitioners use slightly different set up phrases, and you can use whatever resonates for you. I always use, ‘…I deeply and completely love and accept myself’).
Repeat the set-up statement three times.
If you are familiar with the notion that what we focus on grows, and we speak our own experiences into existence, you may be wary of stating negative things out loud in this way.
However, in this step, we are acknowledging a problem that is already there; rather than trying to ignore or avoid it. Not acknowledging our ‘negative’ feelings does not mean they are not there or that they disappear. So it’s safe for you to recognise and identity them as part of consciously bringing them to the surface to clear them out.
Even better, here we are affirming that whatever problem we are having is not linked to our self-worth and self-acceptance; that we love and accept ourselves anyway, despite the issue. In this moment, so much shifts for us energetically, because our usual subconscious thought patterns tend to be, 'I'm bad with money/relationships/decisions so I'm an idiot/a failure/unworthy/not loveable.'
Step 4. Use reminder phrases (for example, 'this stress', 'all this stress') as you tap each EFT point several times.
For example, say, 'this pain' as you tap the eyebrow point, 'this pain' as you tap the side of eye point, 'all this pain' as you tap the under eye point. Do this for one round of all points.
Step 5. Inhale a deep breath and release it. Then check in with your body, and rate the issue again.
How intense is the feeling now, on a scale of 1 to 10? It may have already decreased, or you may need to complete several rounds to experience a difference.
Did something else come up for you, related or unrelated? Be open to old memories, images, feelings coming up. Move onto tapping on those feelings/issues, too. Often an EFT session will evolve in this way, uncovering layers of emotion and different angles of an issue. Allow it unfold naturally and trust what you notice and experience.
As an example, I started doing some tapping on feeling unworthy; on a belief that I was not 'good enough'.
As I progressed through rounds of tapping, a feeling of abandonment then came up. I became aware that 8 year old me felt abandoned and rejected as 'not good enough' when my mum passed away - something that consciously, rationally isn't true - but energetically that's what I was carrying, without realising it. As I cleared that feeling through tapping, another layer emerged: the heartache of shattered dreams and perceived failures. I could feel that as strong pain in my chest.
As I continued, more pain and some shame came up, but this time it was related to feeling rejected when relationships ended.
After I cleared the emotions related to all of these memories and experiences, I practiced the next exercise, Hoʻoponopono, as explained below, to release the energetic cords and ties I had to the people involved in these memories.
EXERCISE 3: PHYSICALLY RELEASING
I love decluttering. As I have become more and more psychic and sensitive to energy, I have become very sensitive to the energy of ‘clutter’, preferring to keep any spaces I am in as clear and clean and orderly as possible.
I see physically letting go of things that we don’t need as an act of faith and a sign of trust in the Universe.
Often if we feel resistance to letting go of physical things, this is mirrored internally - it's a fear of letting go. I believe that people hold onto surplus physical belongings because of a fear that they 'won’t be okay’. I commonly hear someone ask, ‘But… what if I get rid of an item and then I need it?’ There is a lack of trust in self and a lack of trust in the Universe. There is no trust that if they let old stuff go, there is simply space for new, wonderful things to inevitably flow into their life instead. Sometimes people want to ‘grab onto the next vine’ before swinging and letting go of the first vine… but, channel Tarzan, or Spiderman. Swing through the trees! Know that it is safe for you to let go of the old in trust that you are supported and whatever you need is destined for you.
Sometimes if we've felt unsafe as a child, we fill our lives with items in an attempt to build ‘a nest’ to make us feel safe. But external, physical items are no substitute for you feeling safe in your own body, safe to be you, loving and accepting yourself deeply inside.
Look around your space and consider, if money was no object, if there were no restrictions at all… which of those things would you still choose to own? Would you choose a different model? Something more functional, more beautiful? Do you even actually like having that item in your home? The truth is, you deserve to have everything that you desire. You never need to settle. You deserve to have whatever is your version of the very best in life.
This exercise is just decluttering the things that no longer (or have never) made you feel joy, elevated you, made you feel abundant… from your life.
Feel free to start small. Perhaps you could set a reminder on your phone to declutter just one thing every day. It might be a pen that stopped working that is still laying around. It might just be emptying your email spam folder.
If you’d like to dive in and declutter on a larger scale in your home, remember to make things easy for yourself (Repeat after me: ‘It’s safe for my life to be easy’) and take the 'path of least resistance'. Don't go through sentimental items first. Perhaps start in your bathroom cupboard, and throw out any medications that have expired, duplicate items, half used deodorants, broken hair ties that you've tied back together (does anyone else do that?)...
Or, go through that drawer in your house (everyone has this drawer!) - the one full of random items like paperclips, batteries, pens, coins, keyrings, who knows what!
It’s especially powerful to declutter anything that is energetically anchoring you somewhere you don't want to be: for example, photos of you and an unsupportive ex partner, business cards from a previous failed business attempt, clothing from when you were a different weight…
Donate anything that is in useable condition to charity. Doing this feels really good. When you feel powerless, the best thing you can do to feel better is to help someone else.
For items that cannot be donated to a general second hand store, there might be a specific charity who wants them. I know there is a charity that takes old bras to gift to women who cannot afford their own, to wear to job interviews etc. There is a charity that accepts old mascara wands for combing flies from the fur of rescued animals.
Do an online search to see if there are companies in your area who accept various items for recycling: batteries, plastic bags, old light globes, used printer cartridges. For example, in Australia, there is a company who accepts old/broken mobile phones and batteries, and you can pick up a free envelope to post those items in at any Australia Post store. There are stores (H&M) who accept ruined/unwearable pieces of clothing/textiles to be recycled.
I used to struggle letting go of anything that couldn’t be donated or recycled, knowing it would go to landfill… But the reality of items like that is, they are destined to go there at some stage anyway, whether you hang onto them unnecessarily for another few months or years or not.
The other thing I used to feel guilt around letting go of was gifts. If you feel the same way, know this: the joy of gift giving is in the moment. The person that gave you the gift doesn't gain any benefit from you keeping it, and neither do you, if you're not using it. Give it to charity, so that someone who will love it and use it can have it. LET IT GO.
If you notice that you don’t feel safe letting go of physical items, use some tapping and Ho’oponopono to uncover and clear what is going on internally for you.
EXERCISE 4: HO'OPONOPONO FORGIVENESS
Know that you are not obligated to forgive anyone.
You do not need to force anything difficult.
You do not have to forgive everyone in your life/past - start with the path of least resistance, and perform this exercise focused on someone/something that you feel you can easily forgive.
You do not need to do this exercise now, if you have strong resistance to it.
Forgiveness is never about condoning or ignoring someone’s poor behaviour or the way they have treated you.
It is about releasing the old energy, resentment and stories around your limiting thoughts and memories, in order to benefit you. Forgiveness is a actually an act of self-love, allowing you to release negative feelings and energies that have a hold on you and are affecting your present life. Energetically, releasing the grip the past has on you (through forgiveness) creates space in your life for that which you desire.
If someone has treated you badly, that's sad. But if you continue to treat yourself badly, dredging up that pain in your mind over and over again, that's much sadder. The only moment that truly exists is this moment right NOW. The only place the past and the future exist, are in your mind. Literally, they are simply inside of your head. If we're constantly focused on pain from our past or worry about our future, we're wasting our precious and powerful energy. Letting go of the past is vital so that you can focus on your present and experience the loving, fulfilling life you desire.
Hoʻoponopono (pronounced 'ho-o-pono-pono') is a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness. The word translates into English as ‘to put right, to put in order or shape, correct, revise, adjust, amend, regulate, arrange, rectify, tidy up, make orderly or neat.' We carry inside us as parts of the subconscious mind, all the significant people in our lives. Ho'oponopono makes it ‘all right’ with them. The process of Ho'oponopono is to align with and clean up our genealogy as well as to clean up our relationships with other people in our lives.
In the Eastern traditions, in Japan and in China, there is also a tradition of being aligned with and cleaning up relations with the ancestors. In these cultures, it is considered to be important to align and clean up any past problems that you've had in relationships, especially with relatives.
Ho'oponopono does not mean you need to contact people from your past, or people who have hurt you. It is a practice you do alone, for you.
It uses a mantra, a repetition of the words:
Please forgive me
I love you
The Process of Ho'oponopono
Bring to mind who/what you would like to forgive.
If you made a list of memories associated with limiting beliefs you are aware of (those exercises are in Module 2 - Reality Check), read each one and try to recall what that moment felt like. Set the intention to forgive whoever was involved.
Otherwise, take some time in stillness to tune into what comes up for that needs to be released through forgiveness - a particular incident, a specific person, a general situation? Is there anyone with whom you do not feel total alignment or support etc?
If it feels right, you can bring to mind the person involved.
If that is difficult to do because there is strong emotion present, you can instead imagine that you are seeing that person as a newborn baby; or imagine yourself connecting with that person’s Higher/Soul self rather than their human self. You can also do the exercise without imagining anyone else.
Then simply state the Ho'oponopono mantra.
You can say it out loud or in your mind. 'I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.' Repeat it as many times as you need.
If it feels right, you may have a discussion with the person’s Higher Self and forgive them, and have them forgive you; but this part is not essential.
When the process feels complete, let go of the person, and see them floating away. If it feels appropriate, as they float away, you may cut the cord/cords that connect the two of you. You may perceive the cord/cords as thin, thick, long, short, made of rope/steel/light.. trust what you sense. If you feel those cords should be cut, you can do so in any way that feels right - with a sword, scissors, dissolved by bright light, burned off with a flame, cut with the assistance of an angel who has a sword…
Release the other person with love.
Initially, you may feel as though you're just saying words without any true intention behind them. That's okay. Just keep repeating this simple practice, and eventually the energy of the experience will shift for you.
This process is simple, but incredibly powerful. All of life is connected. You are connected energetically to everything else in this Universe - every person, every animal, every event. When you send out a vibration of love, forgiveness and gratitude, you raise the vibration of yourself and everything else. When you heal yourself, you are literally healing the world. Your high vibration energy ripples out far beyond you, including to the person involved in the forgiveness work you are doing.
Purely by working energetically on myself, and practicing forgiveness, I personally have seen incredible results in a painful and troubled relationship. Without me having to physically contact the other person in anyway, the hurtful behaviour transmuted (quite quickly!) into a functional, respectful relationship.
Feeling resistance to forgiving? That's okay. Just start with something simple. Choose a memory/person that does feel manageable for you to forgive.
You can forgive people, concepts, situations, anything… For example, you could use this forgiveness practice on:
Family patterns i.e. generational themes and beliefs (“We just don’t do that in our family” or “That’s how it is in our family”)
Santa Claus (maybe he didn’t bring you what you wanted?)
Society in general
YOURSELF - this is a big one. I tend to notice that there is an element of self-forgiveness required quite often, even in situations/memories in which we weren’t at fault in anyway. Remember to take the time to forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes, failures, shortcomings, shame and blame. I love you xx